Is Monogamy Natural?

Recently I was watching Michael Baisden's new show on TV ONE called Baisden After Dark. I don't listen to his radio show all that often, but his show is pretty good--aside from the fact that they only spend about 20 minutes really discussing the topic at hand during an hour long show.

But anyway, the topic last week was Cheating, and Niecey Nash was a guest commenter. All throughout the show Mr. Baisden kept claiming that monogamy does not come natural to men. From listening to his radio show in the past, I really wasn't surprised that he kept saying this and that he really seemed to believe it. But to me that sounded like a cop-out or an excuse for men (himself in particular) to basically ho-around with as many women as they want. I mean what if a woman said that it wasn't natural for her to monogamous? She would be called every name in the book.

So I ask Guy Friend if he is naturally monogamous. He answers "NO", he is not.

?!?

So of course I need him to elaborate. He basically told me that men are mostly visual/physical, which I already knew. So since men are so much better at separating their emotions from their physical actions than women are, they can go through all the motions that would lead a woman to think he is being or wants to be monogomous when he really isn't (doesn't want to).

I had to ask, if men aren't "naturally" monogomous, then what does that mean? Are they all cheaters and are women just fooling themselves?

Basically men take longer to decide a woman's "worthiness" than a woman takes to decide a man's. So a man and woman could be dating for awhile and she's thinking everything is cool since the guy has stuck around for awhile, they've met each other's friends, they're engaging in relations, all the standard couple stuff. She thinks they are on the road to "forever" while the guy is looking for something better because there's something about this woman that causes him to see her as temporary. The average woman won't/can't put up with a man they don't have feelings for, so we assume that men are the same and that's not the case.

According to Guy Friend, men have to make a conscious decision to be monogomous. A man has to decide that he doesn't want to hurt this woman, that she is that special that he wants to be faithful to her.

So now I understand how we women keep getting ourselves into trouble (lol). A lot of times when a woman first gets with a guy--either before or after they have "related"-- she will start pressing him to be her "boyfriend" so that she will feel better about deciding to sleep with him. Men (who are smarter than we give them credit for) will agree to the title, knowing fully well that they don't see a future with this woman, but they like the relations so they play the role for awhile. And when they get tired of playing, things start to go downhill and all sorts of foolishness happens.

My advice? Take it sloooooooooowwwww. Don't give up the goods for as long as possible. Take the time to really get to know each other. Date other people. Sex will not keep a man who doesn't want to be kept. We've heard this before and always think that we can beat the odds with our "stuff". Just know he can get the same stuff easily from somewhere else.

Be different. Guys are used to women who will give it up without much of a challenge. If you make him work for it, he gets to know the real "you" and can respect you so much more than all of those women (girls) who didn't make him wait. And you can figure out whether he is really worth getting you in the first place, without all the extra complications and emotions that come along with "relating."