Miracle Product for Oily Skin

Like many people, I have super duper oily skin. Mostly in the T-zone, but not just confined to that area. Even when it's zero degrees outside my skin is oily. According to the lady who waxes my eyebrows, having oily skin means that I will look young for a long time. I do get mistaken for a teenager fairly regularly so maybe she is right.

I had seen these sheets in the store a couple of times but I was wary. I am always leery of trying new products on my skin because I have been suffering through a major period of breaking out since the end of the summer. I'm finally back on track and I don't want to do anything to mess it up...but my face is always so shiny!

I figured that I would give these sheets a shot on a small-scale basis to see what happened.

I LOVE it.

You just take one and gently blot your face (no need to actually "wipe" your face) and it picks up all the excess oil without disturbing your make up if you're wearing it. Now I don't have to walk around looking like I'm sweating all the time. Yippee!

The only downside is that the sheets contain mineral oil, which may or may not cause breakouts. So I will use these no more than once per day.

So if you have oily skin, definitely check these out. I think Neutrogena also makes a similar product. I'm going to see if they too have mineral oil. If not, I may be switching over.

Bow Wow Flips Out During Prank Interview

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This was intended to be a joke interview for a new show on BET (similar to Hell Date), but Bow Wow went off on a tangent. And he's so short! Awwww...poor baby.

Love and Marriage

I found out today that one of my girls from high school got engaged this weekend and I'm so happy for her. I know she's been wanting her guy to propose for awhile and I guess he's been saving up the dough to get her a nice ring and make the event special.

This is the first one of my friends to actually get engaged. It's kind of weird to me that I don't know more people who are getting engaged, considering that me and my friends are in our mid to late 20's, and we're just about at that age where people traditionally begin their first marriages (jk).

Out of all of my female friends, there aren't any (besides the one who just got engaged) who are any where near being married. I know that we are all "modern" women and people are getting married later and later, but it still seems that most of us "should" at least be in serious relationships that could end up in marriage. Hmmmm....

And what's with people and long engagements??? When I first started working at my job, one of my coworkers was telling me about how excited she was that her long time boyfriend had finally proposed and she showed me the big rock on her hand. I congratulated her and asked her what date the wedding was going to be. She replied that they hadn't set a date yet but that they were living together so it's like they're married already. That was in early 2005.

Fast forward to late 2007. Let's just say 2008. They are still living together and still no date has been set. I don't understand. He is living in her house so it seems to me that she was probably whining to him and feeling bad about shacking with him, so he bought her a ring to shut her up. I can't know that for sure, but it seems possible.

I can't imagine being engaged to someone for 3 years, especially after dating for probably more years than that. People will say that having a piece of paper doesn't make a difference, but it does. Despite the fact that I just don't believe in shacking, there are other potential problems with the situation. You can't file a joint tax return (which is the main reason I want to get married--hehehe). Also, if something happens to one person, the other has no say in any legal affairs, unless the other party has written up a will or power of authority (which most people don't do).

IMO, if a man proposes, and she accepts, the wedding should ideally take place within one year or less. Both of you should have decided that you want to spend the rest of your lives together BEFORE getting engaged. So the wedding (to confirm that decision) should be something that you are both in a hurry to do. No need to spend $80,000 on a lavish ceremony. When you look back on the special day in 5, 10, 20, or 30 years, you won't remember the 14kt gold stemware or the 7 foot tall ice sculpture. Hopefully you will remember gazing into your soon to be spouse's eyes and knowing that this person was meant just for you and that the day will forever be a tribute to your decision to grow old together. Or at the very least, it was the day that you became eligible for the married people's tax break. :-)

Creepy Old Men, Please Get a Clue...

Have you ever wondered what makes men who are well beyond their prime think they have a chance with younger women? Of course there are celebs like Donald Trump who are always seen with beautiful women who are several years younger than them. But The Trump also has big money which of course guarantees that he can have almost any woman he wants regardless of her (or his) age.

But I'm talking about your regular ordinary old man that you pass on the street or in the grocery store or at the gas station. Of course men are going to look at attractive women. But what makes them take that next step and actually talk to her and ask for her number? Seriously. Why does a man in his 50's or 60's (or older) really think that a woman in her 20's or 30's would want to talk to him about ANYTHING, much less spend time with him on dates and what not?

When I first moved into my neighborhood, I noticed that there was always (usually) an older gentleman (60+) sitting outside on his patio when I came home. I would speak to him in a general neighborly fashion, and would always respond nicely but with something extra and unnecessary. His most frequent and favorite line directed to me was "Thank you for bringing the sunshine with you today."

At first I thought it was cute. But then I noticed that he said the same thing every single time (if it was sunny).

So one day I was coming in the building and ran into him. He formally introduced himself by name, and he told me that he was going to stop by my house and visit me one day. He was laughing and I was laughing, so I assumed that he was just joking.

A few weeks later, I was in the house watching TV and I dozed off. I was awakened by a knock at the door. Drowzy me goes and answers the door without asking who it was and without looking into the peephole (because I don't have one). So I open the door, and guess who?

That's correct! Neighbor man has come for a visit. I'm still drowsy and taken totally off guard, so I let him in. He wants a "tour" of my place. So now I am freaking out because I am scared that he's going to wait until we get to the back of the house and attack me and then leave me there and no one will find out that I'm missing for days. So I quickly show him around and he comments on my "Scandinavian" decor. I then lead him back towards the front door so that he can leave.

But he decides to take a seat on the sofa.

I'm nearly hyperventilating because all kinds of boundaries are being crossed now.

But I want to be "nice" so I sit on the sofa too (at the far end), and try to think of something to say to get him to leave.

I can't think of anything that sounds believable, so like the chicken that I am, I sit and wait for him to get bored and leave, because I'm not saying much. He makes irrelevant small talk and asks me why I have the day off and about my days in college. He finally decides to leave (because apparently he has some "emailing" to do), but he promises that he will be back later. Ugh. And then he asks for my phone number so that he can call before he comes over again.

I refuse to give my number and tell him to just knock on the door, and if I'm home I'll answer. Bad move. I was hoping that he was just bluffing, but of course he was not and he comes back later in the evening knocking. I got real quiet and didn't answer the door, and he went away.

A couple of days later, more knocking. I got real quiet again. He goes away. But then why did this fool go OUTSIDE of the building and ring my buzzer?!? I'm not that stupid. So I ignore the buzzer. I also start to wish I could move because this is starting to seem like some stalker-ish behavior.

So several week pass. I get home from work and walk up the stairs to my place. I look up, and old dude is standing IN FRONT of my door waiting for me. I'm really really REALLY freaked out.

Old Dude: I came by and knocked on your door a few times like you said. Why didn't you answer?
Me: You did? Oh well...you don't have to come by any more.
Old Dude: Oh...well let me know if you change your mind.
Me: Sure thing. (Runs into house and locks door.)

I call my mother and tell her what happened. She can't believe it either and warns me to be careful etc.

So now everyday when I get home from work I notice him sitting in his window peeping out. Creepy. And one time, no lie, I was pulling up to my house and this old sucka came out on his patio in his DRAWERS!!! No shirt or anything else. And they were rubber! I can't make something like this up. And since he sits and looks out the window all the time, I have to assume that he saw me pulling up before he decided to come outside. BARF!

And another time I was coming home, he was in the hallway and told me how beautiful I was...Why?!? And what's worse, he lives with a woman who I assume is his wife! Maybe I should let her know what he's been up to...

Why do men not get that when they get old, young women usually don't want them! I know the male ego takes a long time to die, but sheesh!

46%?!?

A few months ago the management at my job devised a contest which gave the opportunity for everyone to earn some extra money for the holidays. Basically, there was a certain amount of business that they wanted us to close out, and the more we closed, the higher our bonus would be.

So I was thinking all along that the "highest" bonus was set artificially high so that we would never achieve it. But somehow, at the last minute, we did. Whoo-hoo!

So payday comes today and would you believe that Uncle Sam took 46% of my check???

46%!

That's a lot. I was trying to be positive when I looked in my account. Afterall any free money is good, right? But I was (and still am) soooo disappointed. I had big plans for that money.

I was going to get new granite countertops, new floors for my kitchen, and pay for my upcoming vacation with that money!

Ok maybe I wasn't expecting enough to do all that, but still. I wasn't expecting the guvmint to take so much either.

And why do they take 401k and Company Stock purchase out of bonuses? A bonus is supposed to be fun money, not subjected to all of that responsible adult stuff. They shoulda asked me if I wanted to make contributions to those things instead of just assuming. lol.

On the flipside, I found out that I will be saving almost $300 a year car insurance now that I've had that "special" birthday that makes me officially "old."

Guess I can't complain too much :)

Quote of the Day

"Remember that your best chance for happiness is in keeping your expectations high for yourself and low for everyone else." Susan L. Taylor, editorial director, Essence Magazine.

Most of us go through life with a predefined notion of what people "should" (or should not) do. For example, "My significant other should not cheat on me." or "My mother should love me more." And then after deciding what the other person should or shouldn't do, we hold them accountable to that belief that we have created for them.

So if your SO is cheating on you, but you decide to forgive because they promise not to ever do it again, you want to believe them, but also do all YOU can to make them not want to stray. For example, you may demand that they call you at specific times so that you know where they are. Or you may give them a curfew or even start checking the calls on their cell phone or their voicemails to make sure they are staying out of trouble.

Inevitably, the mistrust will become too much for the relationship (in most cases) and it won't survive.

I have found that my life has gotten much less stressful since I made the conscious decision to stop deciding what people "should" (or shouldn't) do, and started instead to just observe what people "actually" do, and then respond accordingly. In other words, I've stopped expecting people to behave as I think they "should."

So when I observe a behavior in someone that is different from what I would do in a similar situation, I first accept that that behavior is what that person wants to do and then I decide whether or not I can deal with it.

If I can deal, then it's all good.

But if I can't, I don't waste time trying to convince the other party of what they should or shouldn't do, because it means that I am trying to change that person. And we all know that change comes from within.

This doesn't mean that if someone was trying to harm themself that I would not try to help them or talk them out of it. What I am talking about is when people have different morals and lifestyles that I don't necessarily condone, but that are not in and of themselves harmful either.

So what would I do in the case of the cheater? I would (and have in the past) accept the fact that they are a cheater. And for me, that means that we could not be together any more. There would be no reason for me to try to get that person to "change" into a faithful partner because they have already shown that they are not one.

Of course there are people who would forgive the cheater and try to make it work. That's ok too, because for some people cheating is a "fixable" thing. But it just isn't for me.

This concept is called "Loving What Is" --this simply means that when we find ourselves in a situation where we feel compelled to change something about another person, we take a step back and really question the situation to discover what it is about ourselves that would make us want to change another person, instead of accepting them as they are and treating them accordingly.

I read the book Loving What Is by Byron Katie and it really helped me get to the root of a lot of things that I was struggling with internally. Any time I feel upset about something that I think someone "did" to me, or even if I am upset at myself about something, I am able to use her techniques to get to the root of the thought.

Expectations are a good thing to have for yourself. And they are useful to use when evaluating other people too, but only when done correctly. It is ok to set an expectation, but not to try to make someone else conform to your expectations if it doesn't come naturally to them. When you find that someone is not meeting your expectations, try accepting that fact first, and then deciding if you can hang or not. You may save yourself a lot of time and heartache in the end.

Boycotting Light-Skinned Girls

I was reading an article about an upcoming episode of Dr. Ian's show, Meet the Faith, that will discuss the issue of "light skin" vs "dark skin" as it relates to black people. Topics such as "levels" of blackness, whether certain shades of people have it easier, etc.

I honestly thought most black people were "over" this type of foolishness, but I was wrong as usual. I can remember a time when I was a teenager visiting my family in the south. I spent the majority of my visits playing outside with my cousins and some other kids from the neighborhood. One of the neighborhood girls told me that I was a "good" skin color--definitely not too dark, but not too light either.

A few years ago I took a trip to the islands with one of my girlfriends. I had fully planned to spend a lot of time laid out on the beach tanning (with sunscreen of course) so that I could come back home with an obvious tan and make every one I knew jealous of my great vacation. That plan was shot down because my girlfriend said she would not be chilling on the beach in the sun because she was already "dark enough" and didn't want to get any darker.

I even dated a guy once who admitted that he thinks that "all" light skinned girls are attractive. If she has long hair (real or not) even better.

So I guess maybe I did know that this is still an issue for black people and I was just in denial.

But a few weeks ago, I heard an interesting twist. I was talking with Guy Friend about something work related, and I made a comment that it's harder for me in the workplace than it is for him because I'm black, a female, I look much younger than I am, and I'm light-skinned. He asked what being light-skinned had to do with anything, and I told him that sometimes I feel that due to certain media images, lighter skinned black women are not taken as seriously as white women or darker skinned black women. I didn't even consciously realize that I felt that way until that conversation.

So then Guy Friend proceeds to tell me that before he and I met, he had been boycotting light-skinned women. Huh?!? He told me that he had dated some "crazy" girls in the past and the common denominator was that they were light-skinned. Also, in his experiences most light skinned girls are either stuck up or trying to prove that they are not stuck up and thus have issues.

I found this all to be pretty funny. I asked him if maybe he just had a knack for picking crazy women and that their skin tone was just a coincidence. He conceded that that could be valid as well. So I was curious as to why he would take a chance with me, and he said that I seemed cool enough for him to break his boycott.

I've never had a preference as far as skin tone is concerned when it comes to dating guys. And I've certainly never drawn a connection among a person's skin tone and their personality (or have I?), but I've been thinking about it and wondering if there could be a connection after all. Of course there is.

But I'm mostly wondering if the reason that I've never really thought about the skin tone issue is due to the fact that I am "light skinned" and thus "favored" among some people.

Just another wrench in the Black Peeple's quest for freedom plan. I'm going to need to think on this some more.

Chris Brown

I really like this young boy and I'm slightly embarrassed. I mean, does this make me a teeny bopper?



I heard his latest single, "With You," and I LOVE it! I mean it's ok for an adult to buy a Chris Brown CD, right. Music is music. I love R&B and this counts...?

A Good Black Man

I received this in an email that was forwarded to me. I agree with just about everything in it.

Everyone reading this is either:

1. A good black man
2. Has a good black man
3. Will be blessed with a good black man soon
4. Has met a Good Black Man; but failed to recognize him.

Good Black Men are indeed all around us. We pass them in the streets, in the malls and the halls at work. Most we can't see because we don't know what a good man really looks like. He usually isn't flashy enoughh or rich enough to turn our heads. He might not wear a suit or push a Lexus. He might not have a body like Tyson with a Denzel face. But, as you mature, you realize it's better to find someone who's got your back rather than someone who turns your head.

A good black man doesn't agree wholeheartedly with everything you say. He doesn't just tell you what you want to hear and do the opposite. He doesn't declare how sensitive, sweet, caring, sincere, loving and long suffering he is (He doesn't have to because it shows). He has his own opinions and yours may clash, but he doesn't have to degrade you to prove he's right. He even admits at times to being wrong, especially if you are willing to do the same.

A good black man is not going to meet every item on your checklist. He is human with frailties and faults mixed in with all of his wonderful, strong attributes. He needs your love and respect. He needs to feel that you don't live to catch him doing something wrong so you can declare, Aha, I catch you! I knew you were a dog!!

A good black man isn't insecure about his woman having great achievements. In fact he is her number one supporter and becomes disappointed with her when she begins to lose herself, for the sake of not hurting his feelings, or just want to make him happy. His happiness comes with seeing her excel in her dreams and accomplishing her goals. For as she excels and is exalted; a good woman, will bring her good man right along with her.

A good black man doesn't necessarily give you a huge birthday or Valentine's gift. He shows his love in the ways that are comfortable to him. Don't judge him by TV standards. No one is really living a fairy-tale. You'll miss out on your own fairy tale by buying into the myth that men are no good.

A good black man will love the Lord and is not afraid to let you know he loves the Lord, because his love for the Lord will be the foundation for his love for you.

Ladies to recognize a good black man look pass the material things, but look into his mind, heart and soul!

Is Monogamy Natural?

Recently I was watching Michael Baisden's new show on TV ONE called Baisden After Dark. I don't listen to his radio show all that often, but his show is pretty good--aside from the fact that they only spend about 20 minutes really discussing the topic at hand during an hour long show.

But anyway, the topic last week was Cheating, and Niecey Nash was a guest commenter. All throughout the show Mr. Baisden kept claiming that monogamy does not come natural to men. From listening to his radio show in the past, I really wasn't surprised that he kept saying this and that he really seemed to believe it. But to me that sounded like a cop-out or an excuse for men (himself in particular) to basically ho-around with as many women as they want. I mean what if a woman said that it wasn't natural for her to monogamous? She would be called every name in the book.

So I ask Guy Friend if he is naturally monogamous. He answers "NO", he is not.

?!?

So of course I need him to elaborate. He basically told me that men are mostly visual/physical, which I already knew. So since men are so much better at separating their emotions from their physical actions than women are, they can go through all the motions that would lead a woman to think he is being or wants to be monogomous when he really isn't (doesn't want to).

I had to ask, if men aren't "naturally" monogomous, then what does that mean? Are they all cheaters and are women just fooling themselves?

Basically men take longer to decide a woman's "worthiness" than a woman takes to decide a man's. So a man and woman could be dating for awhile and she's thinking everything is cool since the guy has stuck around for awhile, they've met each other's friends, they're engaging in relations, all the standard couple stuff. She thinks they are on the road to "forever" while the guy is looking for something better because there's something about this woman that causes him to see her as temporary. The average woman won't/can't put up with a man they don't have feelings for, so we assume that men are the same and that's not the case.

According to Guy Friend, men have to make a conscious decision to be monogomous. A man has to decide that he doesn't want to hurt this woman, that she is that special that he wants to be faithful to her.

So now I understand how we women keep getting ourselves into trouble (lol). A lot of times when a woman first gets with a guy--either before or after they have "related"-- she will start pressing him to be her "boyfriend" so that she will feel better about deciding to sleep with him. Men (who are smarter than we give them credit for) will agree to the title, knowing fully well that they don't see a future with this woman, but they like the relations so they play the role for awhile. And when they get tired of playing, things start to go downhill and all sorts of foolishness happens.

My advice? Take it sloooooooooowwwww. Don't give up the goods for as long as possible. Take the time to really get to know each other. Date other people. Sex will not keep a man who doesn't want to be kept. We've heard this before and always think that we can beat the odds with our "stuff". Just know he can get the same stuff easily from somewhere else.

Be different. Guys are used to women who will give it up without much of a challenge. If you make him work for it, he gets to know the real "you" and can respect you so much more than all of those women (girls) who didn't make him wait. And you can figure out whether he is really worth getting you in the first place, without all the extra complications and emotions that come along with "relating."

Usher and Tameka's Bundle of Joy

I received this picture of a baby that is supposed to be Usher and Tameka's newborn son. I don't know if this is true or not. However, the email trail that accompanied the picture had many mean remarks about the baby in the picture....

It's a baby for crying out loud! Don't be cruel people. Don't be cruel. All babies are precious and beautiful bundles of joy. ;-)

I bet if you pulled out some of your early shots, there would be plenty to laugh about. But not me of course. I've always been fine. Seriously.

The Hidden Truth Behind Hotel Drinking Glasses

Just Gross...paper cups, anyone?